Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
