I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
