Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a search helicopter?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
