he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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