he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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