i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
