Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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