i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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