I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
