and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
