Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
