Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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