If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He shit in the fireplace
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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