Plan B is the new Plan A
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
