i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
