Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
