im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
