covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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