I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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