addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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