the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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