Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
