I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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