NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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