Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
