K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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