thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
