I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
