I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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