i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
