That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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