we have officially lost it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
