Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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