I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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