If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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