so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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