her facebook's as public as her vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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