saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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