He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
