Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
