so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
