omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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