I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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