ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
