Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
