I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
