if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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