Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
