i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
