Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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