we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
