She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you still have your period?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
