dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
