Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
