What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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